A Guide for Femdom Newbies
Learn how to prepare for your first professional session
Help for the BDSM Beginners
When you step onto a rollercoaster, you can’t just leave, but you are well aware you will walk away completely fine, if not a little dizzy. The wonderful thing is that when you’re on the rollercoaster, you’re engrossed in the thrill and the unexpected. You can’t be anywhere but in the moment. The rollercoaster is such a great analogy for my sessions. Get ready for the thrill ride.
Are you feeling nervous about scheduling? Of course, you are. That’s part of the fun. If you are completely unanxious about approaching the rollercoaster, it’s a boring rollercoaster. Consider the nervous anticipation as a mental portion of our session that starts before you arrive.
If you are entirely new to the BDSM scene, I have a Submissive’s Bill of Rights you should read. Considering booking with me? I’ve put together some useful information and possibilities.
The Session: What I Expect from You
I expect you to arrive clean, open-minded, and clear of any intoxicating substances. I will turn away those arriving drunk or high as I feel it negates the explicit consent I require to continue. Try to keep your sleeping and eating routine normal, and if you are taking any new medication, let me know.
You will automatically receive the address when you book through the app, regardless of the time of day or night. Plan your route and consider that Paris traffic can be terrible late in the afternoon or early evening. Being on time is important to me. If you arrive too early, there are many cafes where you can take a moment to pause and enjoy the vibrant neighborhood.
Please take your time in exploring my website before asking questions. I have written extensively about myself, the bdsm scenes in many different cultures, my femdom techniques and philosophies, possibilities in session and my taboos. I know that you might be excited, and there aren’t many people to talk to about your first upcoming domination session. Also, understand I am not always available to answer every question and soothe every nerve. I am a one-woman operation, and I have many demands on my time.
Of course, you can schedule a video meeting to chat with me at a time that suits my availability. This system allows me the time to give you focused attention and encourages you to gather your thoughts for our conversation. Note: I don’t start “training” before we meet and establish a dynamic.
Submissive! Know Thyself!
Bad news, my newly kinky kitten, you must talk about it. Communication is of the utmost importance. I will not lie to you either; I genuinely enjoy it when you squirm a little and tell me you’ve never spoken these fantasies out loud, not even to your therapist. You will not receive any mercy here. I know that discussing it can be hard, but I promise you that open communication is essential. No matter the hype I have in my ads, I am not magic.
For a kinky scene to work, it needs context, and that context is your underlying psychology. While I am very skilled at picking up on your psychology and taking it to new and wonderful places, I do need a starting point. What is intriguing to some will be bizarre to you and vice versa. If you are feeling confused, I have a little quiz I built below showing four basic profiles (very generic) of BDSM bottoms. Take it for yourself, and play around to see other endings. It is easy to see how different these mentalities are.
The text is a fetish object, and this fetish desires me.
– Roland Barthes, The Pleasure of the Text
“So I saw this on ‘The Hub'”
While I’m glad you found some inspiration to explore the universe of femdom, my sessions are very different from the videos you see. Many years ago, I created clips, but I quickly became frustrated with translating my style into a cost-effective video clip. I’m not a great actress who can falsify the connecting glance of the dominant and her submissive into an empty lens.
The opposite of not wanting to talk about your fantasies is overplanning them. I welcome your input and inspiration, but I must insist that you defer to my experience. Living out a particular fantasy might be a goal, but don’t let it get in the way of letting something wonderful naturally unfold.
Sometimes the script you have in mind is impractical, too rushed, or too much for a beginner. I do not offer half-hour sessions because they are too rushed to allow for a meaningful connection. In the other extreme, a three-hour pegging session for someone who has never tried it is expecting your body to endure too long.
My sessions are intense. The one-hour, ninety-minute times for beginner sessions are the sweet spot.
After Care
As the session winds down, the first thing you will notice is that you feel dizzy. You are effectively “drunk” on your adrenaline. If I have done my job correctly, you have a very natural and very real high. (I talk about this in detail on the Science section of my BDSM Philosophy page.) Though the session is over, and we are out of role, you are still under my care. Let me guide you. A shower and some drinking water (I provide both) will bring your feet back to the ground.
It’s your first session, and there is a lot of information and sensations for you to process. You may want to slip away back home or to your hotel to digest, but stay a moment and let the dust settle in your mind.
Depending on my time allowance, I like to have a little debriefing time, although it may be challenging to provide a lot of feedback so soon. But I will also ask about your visit or life in Paris. I’m American, and I enjoy a little chit-chat to soothe the soul after our intense time. I’m always interested in discussing arts, events, and restaurants in my adopted city. I’m not trying to be invasive, but help you ease back to the mundane, vanilla world.
Our session should be part of a day of self-care and pampering. Plan a lovely, peaceful meal and a good night’s sleep. A good session will live in your mind and body long after our time together. Let it settle pleasantly.
It may go against the grain of my colleagues and the fantasies of some of my clients, but I insist on chatting out of role before and after a session. Two things I have learned in over three decades of BDSM play are:
Having defined starting and stopping points of the session means it is easier to drop deeper and go further while in play.
I’m told over and over that chatting before and after just as people frees my clients from their self-imposed stigma. They feel “normal” (whatever that is), and this is a part of them they can enjoy. Desiring to be humiliated in session doesn’t mean you should feel shame about enjoying the experience.
Common questions and concerns of the Femdom debutant
Will it hurt?
Not necessarily. Except for the rare 100% masochist, pain for its own sake doesn’t interest me. I am more focused on taking you out of your comfort zone. Yes, you may feel uncomfortable when experiencing something new and interesting. The worst tortures have nothing to do with pain.
Will you find out who I am?
Um, I don’t know. Maybe? Either way, I don’t really care. Who you are outside the dungeon doesn’t concern me, other than for pleasant exchanges.
Is it discrete?
I model my discretion policies after psychiatrists, never discussing clients outside of session, except for such things as reference requests.
Can I ask for what I want?
Sure, up to a point. I discuss my specialties and skills extensively on my site, but I can’t always cover the more esoteric fetishes, such as tickling, boxing matches, looners, and the like. Something exotic might make my day. My taboos, such as scat and vanilla sexual acts, are never negotiable.
Can I ask you to wear something?
Sure, again, up to a point. Mainly, if I still have it in my wardrobe. Latex is notoriously fragile with a short lifespan. Items get ruined or swapped out. You are welcome to bring a specific costume if it is essential to you, but my standards of playing while clothed always stand.
What if I don't know what I want?
Firstly, take the test on this page to get a simple profile of what draws you to femdom. I have outlined some popular and simple sessions for you to try.
Some examples of "soft" femdom sessions for novices
The Anal Explorer
Such a taboo for such a common erogenous zone. Many have worked the taboo of anal penetration into a complex web of shame, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Sometimes this shame leads to extreme fantasies of bizarre and ultra-large insertions.
Let’s start small, and I can judge how far you can go. The idea of large insertions is often more exciting than the reality, but we can certainly have an enjoyable new experience.
Tie and Tease
A very popular choice for femdom newbies and the experneiced submissives alike. You will be comfortably secured, usually in soft leather straps, and various “teasing” devices will stimulate and edge you for the duration of our time.
Tie and tease sessions are a perfect example of “painless torture.” The overload of sensation and immobility will make your head spin.
Foot Fetish
Foot fetish is so common that I barely consider it a fetish anymore. I enjoy having my feet touched and pampered, and I incorporate it into some “foot domination” play. I can include boots, heels, sandals, stockings, and bare feet to trigger your fetish, along with the odors of leather and clean sweat (I always have clean and pedicured feet, and cannot offer smelly foot play).
If you have an inclination for a foot fetish, a foot domination session with me is sensual and playful.
Governess/Schoolboy Role Play
Stern discipline by an authority figure. You are curious about traditional SM games and punishments, but also desire them within a specific context. Domestic role play might be the right choice for you.
Activities might include over-the-knee spanking, scolding, and corner time, but could escalate to more intense punishment if the scene takes that direction.
Nurse/Patient Role Play
Speaking of role play, female authority, and context, nurse-and-patient role play puts specific BDSM activities in context.
While bizarre clinic play can be too intense for most beginners, most find comfort in the “this is for your own good” theme of this type of play, such as an exam that makes you feel vulnerable, humiliated, and yet cared for. Erotic enemas and milking for a “sample” to be tested are activities on the softer side.
Pet Play
A part of the “gentle femdom” trend in BDSM, this is a context where the submissive take the role of a favored pet to be trained by the mistress. Taking on the mannerisms of a pony or puppy makes this type of play lighter and more whimsical than what one might see in the media.