You don’t have to have a full BDSM dungeon to require the best in your insertable toys. Whether for you or your partner, there are a lot of things to consider, so come strap-on shopping with me.

I am currently looking to replace some essential pieces in my insertable arsenal and have recently purchased upgrades. Like most things in my life, my shopping for adult toys is deliberate and well-thought-out. I’ve written some of my process here.

What’s the purpose of the dildo or strap-on?

The obvious answer is to stick it somewhere, and I am sure you already have the location in mind, but what else? It’s not just an insertable; it’s an implement to stimulate some very important nerve endings. How should it stimulate? Friction? Vibration? Pressure? Texture? Temperature? Electricity?

Back to the where, where will you be inserting this toy? There are two or three cardinal openings on a person: mouth, anus, and, for half the population, vagina, each with very different needs. Which toy will properly stimulate your preferred entrance point? Is it going to excite, annoy, or punish? A vibrating dildo might feel amazing inserted in a vagina or anus, but would be pretty annoying to suck on. A prostate massager tends not to be as exciting for someone who does not have a prostate. Just the same rigid straight insertable toys work much better in vagainas than in anuses.

Is the toy for one person’s pleasure or for (physically) pleasing both of you? The classic double-sided dildo comes to mind, but this concept has evolved dramatically, especially for my fellow vagina owners. Two decades ago, the “Feeldo,” or the strapless strap-on, emerged, where vaginal stimulation could happen along with the penetration of one’s partner. The French company Strap-on-me has taken this shift to task.

Of course, friction and grind can easily stimulate a clitoris in a person, which is less about the insertable and more about how the harness is placed. You can read more about this in my post, Do Women Enjoy Pegging?

For the dildo harness, what purpose will it serve? How big will the dildo dildo be? Will it be for a man or a woman? A strap-on meant for double penetration? A harness with a pouch for a vibrator? A g-string or open bottom model? For a beginner exploring strap-on shopping, it can be daunting to weigh all the options. I have always been a fan of SportSheets for the debutant kinkster. There are many models to try at budget prices before you find your preferred style, and maybe upgrade to leather or vinyl.

There’s nothing intrinsically wrong or right about choosing an adult toy, but one should be aware of the results before buying. The only undeniable rule is to make sure it has a flared base if you are inserting it anally. That means if you are using a vaclock dildo–it MUST be attached. I cannot stress this enough: make sure everything has a flared base. Doctors already have enough humorous removal stories, thank you very much.

My present search is for a long dildo to replace my trusty 10-inch, which has cracked and is in danger of not being properly sterilized. The special thing about this toy is that it is thin and not girthy. It can penetrate deeply without dilation, which can lead to discomfort. So I am sensation-focused, with a deep penetration feeling without too much dilation. The “balls” are not just for decoration (who thinks balls add a nice decoration?), but keep with the flared base necessity.

I purchased this indispensable dildo in my kit from Mr S. in San Francisco, but the current tariff war–and worse, the import paperwork France has with US products–has me looking for something EU-based. So let’s discuss what else we should consider when shopping for adult toys.

Toy Materials to Consider when Strap-on Shopping

What makes up your insertable and/or harness matters. Again, you must consider the toy’s purpose. How rigid should it be? How durable? If you are investing in something you want to use and reuse for a long time, the material’s quality plays an essential role in how well it withstands sterilization.

You never thought of this? Luckily, I think about this kind of thing far more than the average person. Here’s a non-definitive list:

Dildos

Jelly

Once upon a time, almost all insertable sex toys were made of “jelly.” What is jelly? That is a disturbingly good question. There is no standard for this material in the adult toy realm. With the addition of lubricant jelly, it often feels pliable, squishy, and fleshy.

The positives are the pleasing, naughty texture and the fact that the toy isn’t so rigid, which makes it suitable for beginners. Also, creating “mystery jelly” doesn’t seem to be expensive, so it’s definitely a good option for those on a budget.

The negatives include that the jelly is quite fragile and porous. It is rife with crevices that can hide bodily fluids. Covering the toy with a condom will prolong the life of the toy, but you lose some of the benefit of the texture. Both chemical and heat sterilization will quickly degrade the toy.

In the end, this is a good option if the toy is for a one-off use, not for an investment piece. Dungeons in the past would have a “box of dicks” with these types of dildos, and the jelly material would often get dingy, easily stained, and just musty. At the same time, a one-off’s cleanliness can’t be beat if your budget permits a new toy each time.

Plastic

Hard plastic is more durable, as it can withstand harsh sterilization, but its usefulness is limited. By definition, it is stiff and super rigid, which can bring more intense sensations that will be enjoyable for some but brutal for most.

I remember one of the early prostate massagers on the market was this white, hard number, made with the same unforgiving plastic one would find with a cheap child’s toy. It was not a pleasant experience for the receiver and was often a scene-ender. It wasn’t until I discovered Lelo’s prostate massager line that I made this a focus of play.

Some vaginas and anuses might particularly enjoy this type of roughness, which makes this an economical investment, as you can properly sterilize it. Of course, plastic also runs the risk of becoming dingy or stained. If your hard plastic toy cracks, you must dispose of it immediately. Do not expose soft tissues to the possibility of being pinched or cut by a sharp edge of a broken toy.

Silicon

Rubbery, sometimes slippery, durable, and easy-to-clean silicone toys are increasingly the standard these days. Also, this is why your toys are more expensive. Proper, medical-grade silicon toys are non-porous, flexible, and versatile. That means they can vibrate, conduct electricity, have different textures, withstand heat and cold, and still be comfortable in almost all uses.

However, you may balk at the price, which is often three, four, or more times that of their jelly or plastic counterparts. Keep in mind, these are great investment items to add to your toy chest.

Perhaps you guessed that this is my choice of toys in my play box. I am a fan of the look, the quality, and the durability. I like that these items retain their out-of-the-box look and feel for years and years to come. There are many great brands, including my preferred French brand, Strap-on-me.

One quick note: counterintuitively, silicon lubricant IS NOT compatible with silicon toys. Use a water- or oil-based lubricant when using silicone dildos.

Glass

As with silicon, make sure you use medical-grade glass insertable toys. Otherwise, regular glass is, say it altogether now, porous and can trap fluids with bacteria. The medical-grade glass is (near) shatterproof and often something to behold.

Unfortunately, like the hard plastic, it is often too hard to be enjoyable and frequently feels cold, brutal, and punishing. Many years ago, I was gifted a beautiful, multicolored, ridged glass dildo. It was stunning, but simply too intense for any practical use. I kept it as a display item until I eventually grew tired of dusting it.

Metal

Metal insertable toys do have the same advantages and disadvantages as glass, but, costing less to manufacture, they offer many benefits, like enema spouts and, most notablynotably, electrical conductivity.

Metal does not work well with friction or vibration, but it absolutely excels at conducting electricity or handling internal heat (hot or cold). Metal is an easy second choice for me after silicon. It depends on the use. Not to mention, for severity, one cannot beat the bondage usage of metal anal hooks.

Harnesses

Putting on a strap-on belt really puts you in the action of penetration with your dildo. There are so many fabric models and types, but where do you invest and where do you save money? Let’s evaluate.

Leather

The prominent and most prolific choice is a leather dildo harness. To be honest, I’m not sure why other than the leather fetish factor. Don’t get me wrong, I have many models in fine leather, but I am a leather fetishist. A leather harness is durable, comfortable, and looks fantastic when made of quality leather. Leather, however, quickly absorbs fluids and lubricants. It is very difficult to disinfect this material.

Unless you have a fetish and a budget for leather, it’s not always the best option. Other materials

Vinyl

There are dildo harnesses for your strap-on adventure in vinyl, but the quality varies. Many stiff, unattractive options will take you where you want to go, but hold out for the upscale model. I recently purchased this “faux-leather,”  red-and-gold beauty with many adjustable features, so the pressure and angle hit both my partner and me just right.

Vinyl can withstand harsh disinfectants and repel fluids while remaining durable. This is a good investment piece once you find the style you are looking for.

Nylon

Neoprene and nylon dildo harnesses, so you can strap one on and get the job done for cheap. It is entirely possible to pop these in the wash with your towels when you finish with them. They may start to fray and distort, but with Sportsheets selling strap-on harnesses for 17-30€, it’s almost the fast-fashion of the kink world.

I’m not a fan of disposable vs durable, but sometimes it works.

Fabric

In recent years, specialized boxer briefs, cotton panties, and body suits with strap-on features have hit the market, and I am here for them. This underwear option is excellent for traveling. I love the idea of being able to just wear my strap-on at all times. There is even a garters option with a little secret—no need to slow down the play to dig out a bulky harness.

Just like regular cotton underwear, this goes directly in the wash after use. No fuss.

Rubber

At the other end of the spectrum is rubber, which is either bulky or fragile and is always expensive. It’s pretty rare to find, but it’s fantastic to look at. When you find the rare rubber manufacturer, it might be worth it if you want to make a real statement beyond the dildo you’ve strapped on.

Just like latex, it is resistant to fluids, but stains easily if it’s not black and needs a special cleaner and polish.

Aesthetic

We have discussed the function in depth, but what about the form? You’ve worked so hard to decide the feeling, don’t you think you should look sexy too?

What aesthetic is sexy is a very subjective topic, and no choice is wrong. A standard option is a “realistic” dildo. For me, I don’t think the look of a penis, veins, and all, adds anything. When I strap-on a cock, why would I limit myself to male anatomy with a peachy-beige color? For my dungeon, I like a sleek, black look. All bumps, ridges, and curves serve a tactile function more than recalling an actual penis.

Outside the dungeon, I love the glitter colors in blue, purple, and white, though I don’t quite go all the way to unicorn horns or Hello Kitty. But I don’t see why those couldn’t be a fun choice.

If you need to reference something, why a human cock? Be more creative with the edgy horse cocks or the many tentacles found at Bad Dragon. If you are feeling dark and disturbing, there is a dildo to match that mood. Collect them all.

Protection and care

If you use your insertables with multiple partners, you must cover the toy with a condom. Even if it is for one person only, a condom does make cleaning easier and preserves your toys longer.

Afterwards, simple hand or dish soap with boiling water will sterilize your toy. Store your toy in a dry, cool place out of direct sunlight (I know, but it had to be said). If you want to be extra cautious with your toy investment, you can use a special toy cleaner from Mr B.

Curious about experiencing my collection of toys? You can read more about my Pegging in Paris experience and book your appointment with me directly. Or you can privatize my dungeon Studio Xème and invite that kinky hottie over for some play time.